It’s strange how most of us were rarely encouraged to spend time alone with ourselves. Later, the same thought appeared sort of scary to us and we kept avoiding encountering and understanding the facts underlying the feelings within ourselves.

In the cycle of avoidance of facing the self, the self did not get much of a face time to see itself. And what happened then after? In a blink we were facetiming other similar selves who had similarly never faced themselves.

Generally speaking, in the rush to date, we kept cooking the recipe for clutter and confusion. Agreed, dating is a tremendous opportunity to invite someone special into our lives. But before that have we tried to have an idea of ourselves in order to become capable and efficient enough to create a long-term togetherness? Well, I never did. So, I want to spell this out loud and clear here and hope that this becomes meaningful and useful to someone. In any case, now we need to de-recipe the unwanted outcomes we usually always reached at and start again. Wherever you are it’s perfectly alright to start because I am starting this journey with you as well.

The thankful part of all this is to remember that we are the pilot of this plane and we can pause to assess any situation anytime and at any point in our lives towards the better.

Why understanding yourself is the first and foremost thing to do?

• You will know what you like. You will know what you do not like. When you know what you like and what you don’t like, you will be able to express yourself clearly and coolly in various situations. Your trigger zones will get minimized. You will be able to communicate and convince with ease. Sometimes, you will feel no need to explain when that kind of explanation is at the expense of your vital energy.
• You will know what elements you value the most. When you know this, you will be able to draw boundaries with anyone. You will understand your non-negotiables. When someone crosses a boundary, you will be able to precisely pin point and discuss it out.
• You will give a clear picture of yourself in your important relationships/work/social circles. If you like your room immaculate and you consistently present the same to yourself and to others, it is unlikely that a friend can walk in to your space and mess it up with left over pizza crusts and scattered popcorn. They will clean it up afterwards in the minimum. If time is very much of essence to you, you will never have to go through a casually cancelled date. You will minimize the probability of remaining stranded in the turns and twirls of life.
• You will be able to create a highly compatible schedule for yourself (of course after some hit and trial) and make the best out of it. Whether you want to be an early riser or a late night bird, you will achieve efficiency and constantly keep the drizzle of dopamine on.
• You will feel grateful to life for doing the best you can.

How to begin/continue evaluating/revaluating ‘knowing yourself’?

Some will say that this is simple, some will say this is complex. Anyways, that’s a topic for another day. Further, I will not want to bury you with a bunch of confusing images or ideas and strain your start in any manner.  I want you to hush all those voices in your head and try the following simple steps for yourself.

• Take a beat. Observe yourself. Observe yourself in various situations. Observe yourself daily for few minutes. Observe yourself like a stranger. That ways you can try to observe yourself ‘objectively’.
• Cut off emotions while you are observing yourself. Emotions either will help you justify your ways or crush you in their own way. Suspend feelings over facts for a while. It’s not going to be easy. But that’s the way towards finding out the truth as no matter how much you postpone this one day you will demand the truth out of yourself. So better start now.
• Write down what makes you happy, what makes you mad and most importantly what makes you calm. Try multiple activities until you find the one you that makes you tremendously joyous. There is definitely one. This can be your go- to in many situations that will help you settle away from any situation like pebbles in a pot of water.

Apart from the little steps above, if you feel you would like a bit of external guidance, start reading powerful books on the Self. Just 1 page a day. Do your research and take any of the helpful courses available online on Positivity. A little nudge goes a long way!

Well, I intend to keep this piece short and yet I have stuffed a cheddar (well, that’s a bit of breaking bad therein!) of information herein.  I hope you try some of the things and continuously evaluate yourself so you keep finding your mirror for the better. I hope you keep finding the roots that hold the strong and beautiful tree that you are. By the spring of time when you invite someone in to your life or keep making incremental improvements for yourself every day for the partner you are already with, you will find every bit way more meaningful and joyous.

I am placing certain short/effective references here for starters. Take a cruise!

• Daniel Goleman: Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ
• Introduction to Psychology: Open Yale Courses: https://oyc.yale.edu/introduction-psychology/psyc-110
• How to Know Yourself: Jordan Peterson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gdHZ3wDiZc